Current “Mommy Culture” encourages us to worship at the altar of Pinterest. It tells us when to cut our hair, when to go bohemian, which juice fast Gwyneth Paltrow uses, and how to make an elaborate unicorn out of everyday household items. In my experience, this socially acceptable showboating medium can make or break an ordinary Thursday. Here are the top 3 ways to ruin your afternoon with Pinterest:
- Any craft involving glitter: Just don’t. Let the preschool or craft hour at the local library carry the burden. I like to call glitter the devil’s dandruff. Once it’s in my house, I need nothing short of sage and holy water to rid myself of it. I have found it in my eyebrows, on my salad plate, and (sadly) on my husband’s computer bag that he takes into the office.
- Any hack involving doll hair: I don’t know what doll hair is made of, but it’s almost impossible to brush. The tiny brushes the dolls come with are just a joke. Then I try my own brushes and combs, more disappointment. Pinterest tells me to create a mixture of fabric softener and water and soak the hair in it. Thankfully I took the project outside. I found myself seated on my patio, having spent over 45 minutes brushing Rapunzel’s hair while my own hair is sitting unbrushed, in a disgusting matted bun at the very top of my head. I look to the sky, say a little prayer, and rethink major life choices over the past 5 years.
- DIY home décor: “Won’t it be special if I make it myself?” Oh, honey, the answer to that is no. I’m not crafty. I don’t have the necessary tools on hand. So, I’m not only buying the 4 items listed for this specific piece. I’m buying the 8 tools needed to put it all together. Before I know it, there is super glue on my comforter and I’ve invested a small fortune into something my mother will assume was crafted by my 4 year old.
There are some for whom these activities will go smoothly. They’re the people who always seem to find a great parking space and have a stash of greeting cards for various occasions on hand, just in case. I am neither of these people. I sneeze ugly and my deodorant always ends up on my shirt. I need to buy the craft kits from the hobby store with step by step instructions and a detailed contingency plan. I am proud of my self-awareness and hope my candor resonates with other moms, but if you really need to have your Pinterest, maybe you should check out Genes2Teens’ Pinterest boards.