You may have heard about about the 5 love languages for couples, right? The best-selling book The Five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate by Dr. Gary Chapman tells you about how you prefer to give and receive love in your relationship.
Like a romantic relationship, your children also have their own preferences when it comes to love and affection. So, there are also 5 love languages for children.
For sure you know that when it comes to parenting, it is not a one size fits all kind of thing. Your children may need more than just a hug and a kiss to feel loved. This book will tell you more about the spectrum of ways children appreciate and love based on their own love languages.
All about the book
You often hear parents telling other people how much they love their kids and to what extent they will go for them. But do your children actually know and feel that it is love that they are receiving?
5 Love languages of children: The secret to loving children effectively was written by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. The book is about how you as a parent can discover what love language to speak to your children and how you can build that confidence within them by means of unconditional love and the correct way of discipline. These are the factors children need as a foundation for having a strong relationship with you and the people around them.
Certainly, the first thing you should know is what your child’s love language is. Discovering your child’s love language is now easier because you may find online quizzes on how to know what kind of love language to speak to your child. There are love language quizzes for older kids and for the younger kids. Although the book aims to help parents know their children’s love language when they are 5 years old and above, it is also worthwhile to read it if you have younger kids. After all, a parent’s love for a child knows no age.
Like the other books in the series about love languages, the main objective of this book is for you to know how to speak the right love language to your children. This will not only help you strengthen your relationship, but also help your kids when it comes to learning effectively, because your child can learn better when he is in a happy disposition. Speaking your child’s love language not only gives your kid the kind of love they long for, but it also equips them for success later in life by building character.
Knowing your child’s love language can give you a better grasp on how to deal with your child and his needs from a perspective that he understands well. It may take time and you may even feel as if they have more than one love language. Like any other things in life, knowing, learning, and speaking your child’s love language is a process. We just have to trust the process and commit ourselves to this sweet but sometimes, a bitter journey called, parenthood.
The love language of your kids
The 5 love languages for children give you the perspective of how to speak the love language your children will understand. This will provide you the overview that although you have your own way to express your love for your children, there are different ways to let them feel that they are loved and treasured. Here are the 5 love languages for children:
This, perhaps, is the most common love language among children. When your child prefers physical expressions of love over other forms of expressions such as gifts or acts of service, his love language is physical touch. Your child may be the clingy one, who feels your love the most when you shower him with hugs, kisses, and other forms of physical affection.
Physical touch as a love language may be expressed differently, depending on the age of your child. Of course, toddlers need more physical touch while school-aged kids are already contented with a hug or a pat on the back before leaving the house for school. But no matter the form of physical touch your child needs, it is still the strongest expression of love for children.
Words of affirmation
Who would not want to be praised for a job well done? Through words of affirmation, you can boost your child’s confidence, give him encouragement, and even let him know that what he feels is valid. But it is also important to know the right kind of praise to give, because praising too much and too frequently can be less effective. Your child may feel that it is normal to be praised and affirmed and may expect compliments all the time. If not done, as usual, they may feel that they have done something wrong and become anxious.
An important aspect of this love language is the tone of your voice. You cannot expect a positive reaction from a word of affirmation if your tone does not complement your word and its meaning. This has a great influence on the reaction of your child, so watch how you deliver your words.
Does your child feel restless when you miss tucking him in bed as you usually do? Or does your child become so excited over a simple stroll in the park or even a visit to a dentist? If yes, your child’s primary love language is quality time. When you do things with your child, the most important part of that is not the actual situation, but the time you spend doing things together.
Speaking the love language of quality time does not only mean that you need to do things together, but it can also mean having a good conversation together. For older kids, they feel their importance when you spend time with them talking about life, their strengths, and even their vulnerabilities, without any judgment. They also feel that you trust them by having a “real conversation,” which requires them to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
Some children feel most loved when they receive gifts from you whether there is an occasion or not. Gifts as a love language is more than just the material object, but the value behind it and the gesture you show when you give it. Most children feel that when you give them something, regardless of the size or the price, they are loved and valued. Gift-giving especially in your child’s younger years can be considered the fundamental act of love.
This could be the most used language among parents. Giving and receiving gifts can be a very powerful love language. However, be careful not to substitute gifts for your presence, because this can mistakenly be perceived as something to replace you and your presence, and not as an expression of love.
Acts of service
Acts of service as a love language is when your child enjoys the nice things you do for them. They appreciate your gestures when you do them, even the littlest of things such as combing their hair, carrying their bag, or tying their shoes for them. This may be a little overwhelming for you at times, especially when your day is jam-packed with work or house chores.
When your child’s love language is the act of service, the best way to speak this language is to walk him through the process and teach him to do things with you. This way, you fill up his emotional tank while teaching him to be capable and independent.
My final thoughts
As a mom of 3 children, I definitely see how different my kids are in terms of their interests, how they deal with things and situations around them, and how they want to feel loved. They have different love languages and as a mother, it is a must for me to know how to speak their specific love languages to each one of them so that they understand that I am here and I love them.
I highly recommend 5 Love languages of children because it will teach you about discovering your child’s love language and help you to know how to fill their love tanks to prepare them for their best future self. What you do and say can make or break your child, so it is very important to fill theirs by speaking the love language they truly understand.
The 5 Love languages of teenagers: The secret to loving teens effectively: Teens face special challenges and stresses in their life and this book by Chapman addresses the special nuances of showing them your love during this time.
Do you know your child’s love language? If you do, have you filled his love tank lately? Share your thoughts about how you let your child feel all the love that you’ve got and join our community of parents as we build each other up in the bittersweet life of parenting.