Are timeouts still a used form of discipline?

My kids are aged 13, 9, and 3. They have a wide age gap and the method of discipline I use varies. It is not just about their age but also their personality. We use time-outs for all three kids before and until they reach a certain age.

For my eldest son, timeouts were effective only until he was about 5 or 6. When he reached 7, our form of discipline shifted to him not being able to watch his favorite show or to him not being allowed to play with friends if he has been naughty. Now that he is a teenager, we resorted to forfeiting his gadget use (mobile phone, laptop, or gaming gadgets) for a certain amount of time depending on the gravity of his unacceptable behavior.

On the other hand, my 9-year-old daughter who I think is mature for her age also went timeouts but now, heart-to-heart talks seem to be working for her. Her personality is very different from her brother so we don’t think that confiscating her gadget or shortening her screen time will work.

It is an entirely different story for my 3-year-old daughter. Up to this day, timeouts are a normal part of our day. Sometimes, she would ask why we always call her out and impose a timeout while her brother and sister are not doing the same.

Children are different and they react to things differently. I suggest you observe them and from that, you will know what will and what will not work if you really need to exercise your authority as their parent/grandparent.

Among the families I know with young children, some still use timeouts as a form of discipline and others do not. In some cases it is a personal preference while for others it is a choice based on their child's personality or needs. For me, I found that time outs worked well not as a punishment but as a tool for emotional regulation. My kids both have very different personalities and as a result when it came to discipline, what worked for my eldest was not effective for my younger child.

My kids were toddlers and kindergarteners at a time when time-outs as a method of discipline or punishment were very popular. I noted that meltdowns, tantrums, or periods of misbehavior was generally a result of overstimulation, over-tiredness, or an inability to regulate emotions and I realised that I did not want to use time outs as a way of discipline. What worked for me was to first take the time to ensure that my kids felt heard - that the way they was feeling was valid, even if their behavior was unacceptable. I created a quiet zone (rather than a timeout space) in our home where my kids could feel safe and calm down and they would often go there unprompted when they felt themselves becoming upset. This was especially helpful for my child who was more easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli.

In young children it is especially important to realise that behavior often occurs as the result of an unmet need or an inability to communicate effectively. Getting to the root of the problem can go a long way towards helping you implement techniques to manage behavior and regulate emotions.

We are at a crossroads with timeouts. I've done my best when my kids were little to really get at their level and engage with them during rough times. What I didn't want was for them to be alone, feeling isolated with hard feelings, and then not wanting to open up or be geared for change in the future. However, now that they are older, the advice has been a little bit different and it might be better for them to take that space.

I think it's situational, but if they know that the space they are going to is safe and it's used for them to calm down, maybe it won't be as bad. I think about when I am frustrated and all I want to do is take a time out myself! Our kids probably don't know how to communicate that yet. If we do utilize the time out, I'm very clear with my instructions and that they are being sent to the time out because they aren't being safe or I have asked them to stop the behavior numerous times. They can go, take a breather, and try again. It's usually not for a very long time, maybe 15 minutes max.

I think disciplining techniques are closely related to your understanding of “BEHAVIOR” and your parenting philosophy.
Important think to understand is that every child responds differently to different disciplining techniques BECAUSE
First they have different personalities and react differently.
Second the overt behavior might be similar but the underlying cause is different.
I personally never preferred using time out for my kids because it didn’t seem to work for both of them. What worked better for us was sitting together and discussing what was making them upset and arriving at a rational conclusion. In some severe behavior outbursts (very rarely) I just opted to ignore their behavior and letting them calm themselves while I could observe them.
But, I have suggested timeout as a techniques to few mothers because it worked for them even in structured clinical settings. I have seen children with Autism and sensory processing disorder benefiting from time out because it helped them in managing their sensory overload. So, there is no YES or NO for any technique it depends on individual child.
The only CAUTION while using any behavior management technique is to be empathetic. Put yourself in your kids shoes, try to understand why they are behaving or reacting in a certain way and select technique that will help them best in learning to regulate their behavior.

My daughters still use the time-out method for most of their children. I follow their lead on discipline but rarely ever need to put the kids in time-out as a word or 2 to correct them is all they need when I watch them.

For our hotheads, a time out is an excellent way to allow them to calm down and gather themselves before coming back to the hub of the family. Our youngest started at age 3 to go to her room, where she finished her tantrum and then came back when she felt like she was in control. Our other temperamental one needs a space that is quiet and away from stimulation to regroup and calm down.

So for these 2, a time-out is effective.

We have one laid-back sensitive child who uses that time to reflect on his behavior and rarely needs to go into time out. But for him, this discipline also works.

We have one grandson who is sensory defensive and has difficulty regulating his emotions when in a melt-down or situation where he is in trouble. Time-outs do not work as well for him like the others. He needs to be calmy taken out of the situation but also needs to be with his "adult" to help calm down. A soothing discussion is needed about his behavior, and his time-out involves quiet time but not in his room by himself.

Lastly, we have one little guy who is very attuned to right and wrong, and all you need to do is tell him what he did wrong, and he is upset. Time-outs are unnecessary for him as he beats himself up enough when he feels like he failed.

As you can see, discipline for children is different based on their personalities. It is not a one size fits all issue.

Enjoy being a grandmother. It is awesome!