Attention seeking behavior in young kids

I always said, "the worse my kid's act, the more they need me".

I found this true as my natural instinct when my girls were getting on my last nerve or acting up was to push them away. However, in reality, they needed me close during those times.

So if one of my kids was really cranky, moody, or being sneaky, I made sure to spend extra one-on-one time with them. This time together as just mother and one daughter brought us closer, allowed them to open up, and helped to recenter them.

Kids need that alone time with a parent. It can be a "date" or just a quiet walk or, with girls, shopping therapy. It made them feel special to know that I was spending time with just one of them as the focus of my energy.

I love this question. Especially coming out of a pandemic where we spent endless time with our developing kids and they grew to expect just about anything and everything. My big kids (5 and 7) are at an age where they are learning how to be independent, but still really embrace being young and leaning into the neediness.

One thing that I am trying really hard to do is spend solo time with each kind each day for 15-20 minutes. It's harder than it seems (which seems really odd) but it seems to prevent whining and neediness.

Usually, attention-seeking behavior stems from asking me to help or do something that they already know how to do. So, I ask them "can you try to do it yourself a few times, and then come back to me". And sometimes that helps, too. It doesn't help that they have a 1-year-old sister who actually needs my attention most of the time! But we're working through it.

This sure is tricky. We are usually ready to fill the bucket of attention at all times. I have seen this bucket overflowing and creating adverse effects.
No doubt, children should always feel loved, cared for, wanted and important. At the same time we should help our little ones to become independent, strong and emotionally stable. Creating a balance between giving desired attention while avoiding being over attentive to undesirable behaviors is not easy.
I think if you are a keen observer, you get to know the needs and routines of your kids from an early age. I am of the point of view that if we follow a schedule from an early age, children get used to a set pattern of napping, sleeping, bathing time etc. this reduces unnecessary whining.
Another important thing, when it comes to giving attention is being observant to the underlying cause for wanting attention. If it is for meeting a need or help in doing something, be always ready to attend to it. If it is to get something (which is not good for them) please ensure the child is in a secure place, but do not give this behavior attention. Unnecessary attention can indirectly strengthen undesirable behaviors. Make sure that your spouse and other family members also follow the same rules.
I strongly believe that we should love our kids, spend quality time with them but be firm in following laid down rules so we can protect our children from bad behaviors and habits.

When my kids were younger, it seemed to me that whenever I was busy with someone else - whether in person or on the phone - they would want my attention. Sometimes they would interrupt me, or become clingy. At other times they would get noisier or start misbehaving in an effort to get my attention. Initially, especially with my first child, it was difficult not to become frustrated or angry with them but I soon learned that they were not being intentionally naughty, they just didn't have the emotional or developmental maturity to wait.

It took a lot of practice, but what worked for me was to teach my child that if they wanted my attention, they should touch me to get my attention (but not shout or interrupt me). It might take a moment, but I would pause what I was doing, acknowledge that I had seen them and ask them to wait for a minute. That gave me a chance to either excuse myself from a conversation or quickly finish or set aside whatever I was doing.

My aim was always to try and give my child my full attention within 1-2 minutes. I found my listening was most effective when I got down to their level and let them speak. Often the request was something that could be quickly addressed, allowing me to continue with whatever I was doing before the attention seeking behavior. I also learned that when my kids were feeling unwell or insecure, their attention-seeking behavior would increase. In this case, they often just wanted the comfort of physical contact and they would soon settle if given the chance to cuddle for a few minutes, or sit nearby while I worked.

Very young children do not yet have the cognitive maturity to practice true patience. When I was busy with a task that could not be set aside, or a meeting that I could not excuse myself from, I found that having a few "special" toys and activities close by was a helpful distraction tool. (I did learn the hard way though that toddlers in the middle of potty training really did need my attention NOW.)