How do I deal with caregiver burnout from raising kids with special needs?

I have a friend who is also in the same situation as yours. She is a mother to 2 wonderful special-needs kids aged 10 and 6. Life was so much easier when she was living with her mom who helps her in raising her kids, but she needed to go back home and be with her husband this time around. Her mom no longer wants to join them so she is left with no choice but to be the primary caregiver of her 2 special-needs kids, another child, and all the housework because her husband is working.

A few years back, she opened up about her struggle, and sometimes, she wishes she is not in this kind of situation. I know she is tired and helpless but her kids can only depend on her and her mom, but now that her mom is no longer in the picture, I am certain that she is feeling worse.

I have not talked to her recently because I feel like I am invading her privacy should I ask if she needs anybody to talk to. I am just waiting for her to reach out. If she does, I will tell her that she has a friend who understands and who validates her feelings. Sometimes, a good talk is all you need to feel better.

I wish you all the best.

I want to buy you a day at the spa myself! You have a lot on your plate and, honestly, it's amazing that you're aware of the fact you need to take time to yourself. It's so easy to push these thoughts aside and keep pushing through.

Self-care can mean so many things. I think finding a social circle, maybe even among parents of children with special needs, is a great place to start. Even if it's just a group text or email exchange, the communication opens the window for you to connect with someone to go for a walk or grab a coffee.

One of my favorite self-care rituals that I've started since becoming a parent is a really simple nighttime routine that's beneficial for my well-being. Sometimes, it's 20 minutes of yoga. Other times, it could be a new skincare routine. But carving out even that small amount of time allows me to decompress.

I hope you're able to find these peaceful moments because you are a rock star and it's much deserved!

Wow mom, you have a lot on your plate and I can understand how exhausted you must be! As the emotional core of your family and primary caregiver for your kids, it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and burned out.

The saying goes that we can’t pour from an empty cup, and that’s why self-care is so important. You need to make sure that you’re in a good space so that you can take care of your kids. As moms, we usually prioritize our family often at the expense of our own well-being. It can be difficult to learn to carve out time for restoration, but it’s a necessity.

To begin, I would recommend identifying things that are fundamental to your well-being. They may include activities like sleep, exercise, a creative pursuit, setting boundaries, a nutritious diet, and self-compassion. Try to schedule time each day for activities like quiet meditation or self-compassion. Find a way to incorporate some of the things on your list into your daily activities. If possible, co-opt your partner or a friend in to keep an eye on your kids to give you a moment to recharge.

Self-care does not have to cost money. A long bath, an hour alone to read or rest, a walk in the garden, or listening to your favourite music can be just as restorative as a more costly activity.

Try not to think of self-care as being indulgent. Think of it as necessary maintenance that will help you to cope and even thrive in difficult times. Remember that doing it all is impossible - all we can ever do is our best, but be at our best, we need to take care of ourselves too.

You are a true supper mom.
I have been working with children having special needs and their families for more than two decades. I do understand your struggles.
Making your children a priority in life, always looking for the best possible services for them, celebrating small moments of success, going through countless moments of hard work and efforts, meeting all their physical and emotional needs, facing the very annoying stares of strangers when on street,,, and the list goes on.
On one side your efforts pave the way for a better life of your children with special needs, but on the other hand this hectic and tough life might be taking a toll on the wellbeing of the parents, especially mothers. This parent burn out is for real and you need to make your health a priority. You are the most precious resource that your kids have, they need a healthy and happy mother to take care of them.
Spend some ME time while your children are at school. Make an appointment with a saloon, or develop an easy skin care routine at home. You can simply soak your feet in warm water, put a mask on your face and listen to a soothing music.
Go for a walk, do some meditation or go meet a friend. Having some time for yourself each day, energizes you and reduces stress.
You can become part of a parent support group. Listening and talking to other parents having special needs provides you with a platform for catharsis, emotional support and learning. You can even have family get together with them.
Try to sneak in some time for your spouse, it will ease out strain on both of you. You can take help from the grand parents of your kids or a friend from parent support group to leave your kids in a safe supervision and go out on a dinner date or watch a movie together. These breaks here and there will help in improving your mental and physical wellness.
Lots of love and best wishes from a mother to a super mother.

Honestly, my heart goes out to all of you moms with kiddos with special needs. You are the TRUE rockstars!