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A lovely friend of mine and her husband have recently experienced their third miscarriage. Each pregnancy is the result of a long and stressful IVF process and this only adds to the enormity of their loss.
While they may consider other options to growing their family in other ways in the future, mentioning things like adoption or fostering is not helpful to the grieving couple.
If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has, please let me know what things made you feel loved and supported during this difficult time.
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This is such a devastating experience for your friend. I agree with the acknowledgement that a real loss has occurred and that there are no words that can make this feel right again.
The idea of attending the home with a care pack of food and self care items like a candle and plant are lovely ideas just to show that you understand that they are feeling pain and that you’re there if they need you.
What a heartbreaking situation for your friend and i am so glad you are there to support her thorough such a difficult time in her life.
I found that after having a miscarriage, I really just wanted people to acknowledge the loss. I wanted them to affirm that my child existed, my child was loved and that its so unfair that they were lost. That being said, everyone responds to grief differently so this might not be what your friend wants or needs. I think just being there for her will mean a lot. Be available to spend time with her if she wishes or respect her space if that is what she needs. You will have a better idea of what your friend really needs during this time so trust your instincts. Best of luck!
I am so sorry for your friend. This type of loss is unimaginable, and each person deals with it differently. I feel like in situations like this words aren't always the best way to support someone. Though we all have good intentions when we say it, "what do you need?" is so open-ended and shifts the energy on our friends.
Instead, when I have a friend that is going through something like this, I simply show up. It could be saying, "I'm free right now and would love to go for a walk with you" or showing up with a meal or snacks. The best support is the kind that the recipient doesn't need to think about. Empathy and listening ears are what they need. You're right, making other suggestions is not helpful to them unless they are the ones who want to talk about it. Sending lots of good thoughts to your friend.