How do you deal with overbearing in-laws?

I understand your frustration and even possible resentment. For some reason, your own mother can critique your mothering, but when it comes from an in-law, it rubs the wrong way. Maybe that is why she talked with her son instead of you.

However, constant suggestions and criticism can erode relationships and grate on your nerves.

I would begin by talking with your husband. Tell him how you feel. Hopefully, he can act as a buffer and tactfully address any criticism with his mother.

On the other hand, even though you are not happy with the delivery of the message, I would consider what was said and see if any areas could be worked on regarding certain learning experiences for both you and your daughter. It never hurts to self-analyze and try to strive for betterment.

Many of us have mothers-in-law who are a bit overbearing who frequently and freely dole out advice. You will have to continue to deal with this woman as she is family. It is always better to try and get along than to fight someone with a strong personality.

I have learned to smile and nod when getting too much advice. Then I do my own thing anyway if I prefer. It keeps everyone happy, although I have to bite my tongue occasionally.

I wish you the best.

It's a blessing and a curse sometimes to have family members so integrated into our family's lives. The truth is, your mother-in-law isn't going anywhere and it would be incredibly helpful for you to have a healthy, balanced relationship without having to worry about her interfering and overstepping.

I'm sure she is just trying to help. I don't think our family members have any intent to hurt feelings when they make suggestions. I have had conversations before that explain just that. You could talk to her and explain that you appreciate her feedback, but you're in a learning process, too, and you've got it under control. If you want specific help, you'll be sure to reach out to her and ask questions. I always reiterate that fact...that I'm not going to become a better parent if I don't tackle hard things on my own (or with my partner). She was a new parent at one time, too, and sometimes it's hard for them to remember that.

I wish you the best of luck in this. It's so wonderful to have family members close and involved, but it comes with it's hardships. I hope you can find a solution.

I feel like I am hearing you say that you need some boundaries in place with your in laws. I imagine it must feel like they have gone behind your back to be having this conversation about your parenting when you were not even there. That certainly doesn't help build a sense of trust.

On the other side of this, I think that it is important to be able to received feedback without taking it too personally. I know that there have been times in my parenting journey when some of my closest friends and family gave me a bit of 'tough love' advice and looking back now I can see that what they were saying had a lot of merit but at the time I was hurt and offended and felt criticized.

One important lesson I have also learned in my life is that we tend to take things very personally and sometimes need to be reminded to separate the 'facts' from the 'stories' we have built up in our minds. Is it possibly that your mother in law is genuinely worried about your daughter's health? Perhaps she didn't want to upset you which is why she mentioned it to your husband? Is it possible that your mother in law has good intentions here? If the answer is yes, then I would take a step back and try to look at the situation from her perspective.

Could you have a conversation with her about how you are feeling? I really hope you manage to resolve this because I don't have a mother-in-law involved in our lives and at times really wish I did have that extra person there to support and encourage us along our parenting journey. Best of luck.