How to get kids to open up about school
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What are your best ways of starting an after school conversation with your kids that doesn’t start with “how was your day?”. I have a few go-tos like: “Did you do something kind for someone today?” But I’d love some other ideas! Thanks!     
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Answers (5)
Best answer chosen by asker
My son loves giving me one word answers like "good" when I ask about his day. The more specific I am with my questions the more he responds. But I also sometimes start telling him about MY day and it usually sparks something about his day. It's a basic trick but it works sometimes.
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Best answer chosen by asker
Getting anything more than a "fine" or a grunt out of a teenager can be a real challenge.
While I usually prefer having awkward or difficult conversations in the car because there is no eye contact and your kids can't go anywhere, I found my teens tending to supply me with single syllable answers if I asked about their day on our drive home. School was the last thing they wanted to discuss.
What worked for me was discussing our day at dinner time. We always eat as a family and I usually start the conversation by talking about my day. It helps if you know your kid's test and activity schedules, and keep your ears open for small nuggets of information that they may share with you. Questions that worked well for me were:
Were there any unexpected questions in your test?
You mentioned that you were learning (topic), have you learned anything interesting about that?
What was the most fun thing you did today?
Is there any homework I need to help you with?
I saw you have a project due soon. Have you written a list of the supplies you are going to need?
It can be difficult to convince your kids that you are really interested and not just trying to interrogate them, they do become more private when they get to high school. If you can get the conversation started while they are young, hopefully they will continue to engage with you as they get older.
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Best answer chosen by asker
Getting anything more than a "fine" or a grunt out of a teenager can be a real challenge.
While I usually prefer having awkward or difficult conversations in the car because there is no eye contact and your kids can't go anywhere, I found my teens tending to supply me with single syllable answers if I asked about their day on our drive home. School was the last thing they wanted to discuss.
What worked for me was discussing our day at dinner time. We always eat as a family and I usually start the conversation by talking about my day. It helps if you know your kid's test and activity schedules, and keep your ears open for small nuggets of information that they may share with you. Questions that worked well for me were:
Were there any unexpected questions in your test?
You mentioned that you were learning (topic), have you learned anything interesting about that?
What was the most fun thing you did today?
Is there any homework I need to help you with?
I saw you have a project due soon. Have you written a list of the supplies you are going to need?
It can be difficult to convince your kids that you are really interested and not just trying to interrogate them, they do become more private when they get to high school. If you can get the conversation started while they are young, hopefully they will continue to engage with you as they get older.
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Best answer chosen by asker
I love your questions!
Using open-ended questions with kids, especially about their day at school, is something I did with my daughters. On some days, where I could sense, by their demeanor, that it may have been a challenging day, I would tell them just a small bit about what happened in my day, giving them a chance to alter their focus from outside of their self, giving their brain time to decompress.
I made sure that I knew which classes they were taking, and even who their teachers were. Living in a small town, many of the teachers were well-known and liked, and some of them had been teaching at the school when I was a student!
Some of the questions I used to engage with them were:
Was there anything hard about your day?
Do any cool experiments in chemistry?
How did the discussion about "Dorian Gray" go?
Something else I tried to do is to not make eye contact when I was asking questions, as it seems to put kids on the spot and adds pressure to them feeling like they have to answer. Instead, I would ask questions while cooking dinner or taking clean laundry into their room.
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