My mother refuses to babysit

I'm probably playing devil's advocate with this answer, but I wonder if your mom just really doesn't "like" being a grandmother? Not because she doesn't love her grandchildren, but because she isn't comfortable having that role. I can understand this, as I am not one who engages on a "play" level with my granddaughters. I can sit and read to them and have enjoyment through this, but I don't enjoy tea parties, or building a fort, or anything on a preschool/elementary level. I relate better with teenagers and young adults, just because I know how to interact with them. Honestly, little ones make me anxious, because of the noise that accompanies them and the "temper tantrums" when they don't get what they want. I cannot speak for your mom, at all, but she may just not be comfortable trying to entertain little ones on her own, and feels even more in the spotlight of "judgment" if she is around those who are. If you are comfortable having a conversation with her about it, she may open up to you, and you could find ways where she can be one-on-one with your kids, in an environment she is comfortable in.

I'm in a similar situation with my daughter's grandparents on both sides of the family. We have put it down to the fact that it might be hard for them as grandparents now to understand their role with a grandchild and that it must feel uncomfortable and foreign for them not being in the parent role. They, like your mother, don't like to engage or play but do enjoy the visit once they see their grandchild.

One tip we have found that works is to be subtle and while it might sound strange, to show them how to join in the play and follow their grandchild's lead when she starts playing. For example, when my daughter passes grandma a 'cup of tea' during a tea party etc., we all join in and talk about how nice the tea tastes. I've found the more that we gently show them 'how' to play with their granddaughter, they seem to feel more connected with her and comfortable.

Hi Margaret. As a grandmother of 5 busy grands, I can relate to both of you. Of course, you want your mother to have a relationship with your children. I imagine that you need the help also!

A few questions to consider are: how many children do you have? How interactive and involved was your mother with you when you were a child? How is your mom's health and energy level? How many other grandchildren does she have?

All of these factors play a part in how she is reacts towards babysitting your grandchildren.

When I was a grandmother of one child, I spent quite a bit of time helping out. When 1 became 5, I must admit it was tiring and overwhelming for me especially when they all were under the age of 5. Now, I take the children for short periods and we all benefit and enjoy our time together. I am happy to see them but also glad when they are gone as I am more used to quiet and frankly, they exhaust me. That does not mean that I love them any less.

One tip that has been beneficial for me and the grandchildren is that my husband and I take each child by themselves on occasion to do something special. Birthdays work great for this. The child gets to pick what they want to do and we have a quality, fun time together. We have gone to the zoo, an amusement park, shopping, out to dinner, to an alpaca farm, and to the Ice Capades.

Perhaps while your mom is visiting you all can play a board game together. That way your mom will interact with your children and they all will benefit.