I divorced my ex-husband three years ago, and when I ask for his help on the child discipline front, he shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well. what do you want me to do?”
My eldest kid is 16. I recently discovered he’s using marijuana after confronting him, crying, and shouting. I am exhausted and fearful of the impact it will have on his 12-year-old sibling. He blatantly lied that it has stopped when evidently it has not!! If any of you have smelled pot you will know it’s not a smell you can easily disguise!
His grades have been falling. Now he’s attached himself to a friend of his whose uncle is a dealer and has an expensive lifestyle from the proceeds of drug crime. I am absolutely beside myself that he’ll get drawn into this life and how much money he can make.
I want to set some rules to say that if the police catch him, I will not support him, bail him out, or visit him in jail. If he chooses this life, then he’s on his own. My sister went through hell with her son, who ended up a heroin addict. I don’t think I have the wherewithal to deal with that kind of drama. Any advice would be great here.
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Thank you both for your answers. I've been at my wits end with this kid and I truly just don't know how else to handle it. I will sit him down after school tomorrow and try talking to him. I'm hoping that he won't lose his mind or scream and yell at me but if his behavior repeats itself them I'm sure he will.
Keep me in your thoughts the next 6 weeks, ladies. There's going to be a lot of slamming doors in my household in the weeks to come. I'll need all the strength I can muster to break this kid.
You have to be very careful how you handle this situation - that I know.
If you come down with an iron fist and attempt to reprimand him in a harsh way, I imagine he will turn to his friend whole uncle is a dealer and the problem will only get worse. Especially, because you will have damaged the relationship with your son.
Instead, I would take the kitchen table talk approach and calmly discuss the extent of his marijuana use with him. Confront him with an open heart and discuss why he is turning to marijuana and lying to you instead of talking with you about these things. Then, I would ask him to tell you more about this friend of his whose uncle is a known dealer. Express your fear of his safety when he hangs with that specific friend and his uncle and let him know that you care for his well-being more than anything else in the world.
If he gets defensive and starts cursing or just taking a bad attitude when you've tried to confront him in a calm way and treating him like an adult when he wants to act like a child, that's when I would get sterner with him. Take his phone away, take his social media away, take his after-school friend time away, put parental controls on his computer so that he can only use it for classwork, make him stay with an after-school tutor for the classes that his grades are slipping in — do anything to bring him back to reality.
I hope this is even the slightest bit helpful!