Was I selfish not wanting to have a second kid?

Is there a perfect number of kids to have? I wish there was an easy answer to that question. I think we all just make the decisions that we believe are in everyone's best interests at the time. Your reasons for not wanting more kids were valid at that time. Some people who come from big families feel that they missed out on one-on-one time with their parents, while some only children wish that they'd had a sibling to keep them company. At the same time, others wouldn't want to change being an only child or a sibling in a big family for anything.

Your question does remind me of the importance of having an honest conversation about having children when you are heading into a serious long-term relationship. If both parties are not on the same page about things like family size it can cause conflict and heartache further down the line. I would also do my best to encourage my child to establish strong friendships as he enters his teen and adult years. As he will not have siblings, his friend network will be an important part of his support system as he gets older.

Do you know how your wife feels about the fact that you were so adamant about only having one child? I would suggest that you and your wife spend some time talking about how you both feel about this decision, maybe with the help of a therapist, so that there is no animosity on either side. Before you know it, your son will be getting ready for college and you will want to know that your own relationship is on solid ground. If you are missing the energy that a small child brings to the home, you could always consider fostering or getting involved with an organisation that works with kids.

Hi Jason. Reading this has made me ask myself whether I will find myself in this introspective space you're in years down the line. I currently hold the view that one is enough for me and want to close the chapter. Then, of course, having to deal with the unsolicited advice from people who insist that it's time to add on to the plate even when I know it wouldn't be ideal right now.

Did you enjoy your life as an only child? I have friends who tell me they wish they had a sibling while growing up and attribute most of their decisions and character now to being a result of the long-held stereotypes of "only child syndrome." Story for another day. Whichever reasons you had back then, they were valid. You didn't want more children than you could provide for, I don't think that's selfish.

I would also suggest speaking to your wife about it to know what she feels now. Remember that your son will soon leave home as well, so you have to prepare for the eventual empty nest.

I honestly think that at some point during our parenting journey we all wonder "what if?" I think these feelings are completely normal and, like Margaret said, maybe something to talk to your partner about to work through it. I am a mom of three and sometimes I think about a life if we just had one and sometimes I think about a life if we added more. But at the end of the day, I know the family I have now is just how it's supposed to be. If you feel in your gut that you made the right choice, then you probably did.

I think fostering is a great idea as well. Do you have family members with children your son's age or younger? My only-child cousins love being an only child and they treat my kids like their siblings and vice versa.

Your questions really shows that you are a reflective person and that is a good thing. Its good to reflect on our behaviour and decisions and then communicate about them but that doesn't mean you need to beat yourself up over it either. It's probably a good idea to talk to your partner and share your feelings with her. Have you ever thought about fostering? We are a family with 4 biological and 3 foster children and it really is so very rewarding. Whatever you decide, it sounds like you are raising a fabulous human so you should be very proud :)