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In my experience, even the most well intentioned advice we give our teens is likely be ignored if they think they know better – it is almost as if they are determined to prove us wrong. Whether it’s about studying for tests, hanging out with certain kids, or pushing the boundaries of your rules. How often have you tried to warn your teen against doing something because you are almost certain of the outcome based on your own experience?
Why do you think it is so difficult for teens to accept advice from us a parents? Is there anyone whose advice your teen will listen to?
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my teens school has amazing teachers and counselors who form strong and trusting relationships with students. I know that my kids can talk to them and be supported when they need.
I would love to say that my kids always come to my husband and I for advice but that isn't always true. They have strong friendship networks who are very important to them and also our extended family so they are fortunate to have lots of support in their lives.
In my context, many of the teens I know approach trusted teachers to talk through school-based issues. This may be an unusual situation for some schools, but in the small specialist school that I work with, teens feel safer to approach these adults than they do their own families. I think this is a great understated resource for our youths today, although teachers are not available 24/7. It might still be helpful to be aware that some teachers can be great supports for our kids.
I was eldest of my siblings and my mother always kept very cordial relationship with us. She was my best friend and I could share everything with her. As we grew older, my both sisters were the ones I could turn to discuss and share.
Now that my son is in his teens, it feels really great that he can share anything with me. I always try to be nonjudgmental and empathetic, and it has worked great so far.
Other than me, he is quite close to my younger brother. He is younger than me and a tech savvy. He seems to connect with him in a more meaningful way.
For my preteen daughter, her grandmother is the best guide and support. If I am not available, she takes all her worries to Ammi jan (that what she call her) and gets the best guidance along with lovely blessings.
I remember as a teen, I reached out to my aunts a lot for advice. They were younger than my parents and we always had a special relationship. I considered them a "safe space" and often told them about a lot of my 'firsts' before my parents. To this day, I'm still very close to them and I hope that their kids look to me in that same way.
I loved my parents, but I was always timid and nervous to share personal things with them at first. I think I used my aunts as a bit of a buffer until I had to have the real conversation with my parents.
I am fortunate that my daughters did come to me frequently for advice. We always had open communication from day 1, and it never really diminished.
That is not to say that they always followed my advice and were perfect kids. We have a close-knit extended family, so if they were annoyed with me or disagreed, they had other caring adults to confide in.
My oldest daughter talked with my sister at times, while my younger daughter went to my mother for advice and a listening ear. I think they each had their other "special" person who they felt understood them and could relate to.
I'm sure that they sought advice from their friends, but I think that you are asking for adult support persons for this question.