The holidays are a joyful time for many families as they get to spend quality time with their loved ones and celebrate together. However, for parents with split custody or those who are part of a blended family, the holidays can sometimes be a stressful or lonely time of year.

Even though divorce rates have actually declined in recent years, there are still many families where child custody is shared during the holidays. In an ideal world, the holidays would always be a wonderful time of the year, but even if time with your children does have to be shared, there are ways to make it easier on you and your children.

No matter where you find yourself this festive season, we hope this article helps you navigate the difficulties of sharing child custody during the holidays.

Coordinating child custody during holidays

Whether you’ve done this for years or it’s your 1st time having to navigate this tricky situation, it’s never too late to try and find a way to make it work best for everyone involved.

The truth is that there are many different ways to coordinate child custody during the holidays, and the “right way” might look different for every family.

Since most parents want to see their children on the holiday itself, when possible, many families find themselves in a situation where they split the day. So, instead of just alternating years, the children spend a certain number of hours with each parent on the actual holiday.

Here are some things to consider if this is your current situation:

1. Consider alternating the times

Although it may seem logical to keep the times the same and simply split the actual day, consider that having the kids is preferable on Christmas morning rather than Christmas afternoon.

In order to make it fair to both parents, discuss alternating the morning/afternoon of the holidays each year.

As a kid, I had to go to 2 Thanksgiving meals, and since the times were never alternated, I distinctly remember never being hungry by the time I got to the 2nd meal!

2. Create a holiday schedule

A simple example of this might be to create a shared online calendar that both parents can see in order to make sure everyone is on the same page. This will also allow you to create a plan ahead of time.

When you’re coming up with a plan for the holiday season, be sure to choose which ones matter most to both families.

You’re going to have a plan for major holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there may be other days that are important to one family and not so much to the other.

3. If you can work it out together, it’s better for your child(ren)

If you’re on good terms with the other parent, try to create a plan that works best for everyone. This isn’t the case with all former spouses trying to co-parent, and, unfortunately, trying to plan events during the holidays does create conflict for many families.

If you can’t work it out with the other parent, you’re better off sticking with what the custody agreement says about the holidays.

Loneliness when children are away during the holidays

Aside from navigating the logistics of sharing custody, feeling lonely and being away from your children during the holidays can be one of the most difficult parts of dealing with divorce. Still, if you do find yourself struggling with a custody situation this holiday season, remember that you’re not alone.

Here are some ways to deal with loneliness during the holidays:

1. Lean on a support group

If you can’t be with your kids for all or part of the holidays, it’s important to surround yourself with people who love and support you.

Whether this entails spending one of the holidays with other family members or hosting a Friendsgiving, be sure you have something to look forward to and people around you to support you in this difficult time.

There are also many support groups specifically for divorced or blended families. Being around others who are in a similar situation can help with some of the challenging emotions that arise during the holidays.

2. Communicate with your kids while they’re gone

If you’re going to be away from your kids during the holidays, planning a video chat or a phone call with them can be something for you to look forward to.

Whether you make a quick phone call to hear how their day is going or have a video chat while they open a present, getting to see them will help you feel like you’re part of the holiday, and experiencing their joy will lift your spirits as well.

Although you want to respect the time your child has with the other parent, a quick video chat or a call may also help your kid cope with the challenge of being away from you.

3. Plan something for yourself

Whether you choose to go to the movies or volunteer somewhere, planning something you can look forward to is a good way to care for yourself this holiday season.

When we have children, it brings us joy to pour all our energy into them during this time of year. Instead of focusing on what you’re missing out on, take some time for yourself that you wouldn’t normally have.

Looking after yourself while your kids are away means they’ll come home to a well-rested parent who can’t wait to spend time with them.

Conclusion

The holidays are meant to be a joyful time of the year, but they can be a challenging period for many families. It’s not uncommon to feel lonely during the holidays for numerous reasons, but being away from your kids can be one of the hardest to deal with.

If you find yourself in such a situation this holiday season, remember that you’re not alone—there are many others feeling the same way. Be sure to take time for yourself and lean on those you know you can count on.